| Prudent Advice |
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| Inside Next Month's Issue |
| FYI: The January/ February issue will have new articles and will be printed out then. |
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| The Lighter Side |
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To: ................. You
From: ............ Me
Date: ............. Today
Subject: ........ The outlined stated below.
Dear Team,
Effective immediately, the following are newly approved company policies for your information and due practice.
Dress Code:
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a pay-rise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay-rise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay-rise.
Sick Days:
A. We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
B. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holidays:
A. Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Compassionate Leave:
A. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.
B. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use:
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will swing open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the Company notice board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the Company's Mental Health Policy
Lunch Break:
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Diet Coke.
Thank you for your loyalty to our Company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations and input should be directed elsewhere. Try the shrink! |
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| IGH <> IGM <> P1 <> P2 <> P3 < > P4 |
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| Important Dates |
Christmas day
25th December 2008
Boxing Day
26th December 2008
New Year's Day
01st January 2009 |
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| Daily Reflections |
| WHETHER WE ARE aware of it or not, whether we are in control of it or not, there is a first creation to every part of our lives. We are either the second creation
Extracted from Stephen Covey’s Daily Reflections for Highly Effective People |
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